When I was 4 years old my father John Abrams whom my son is named after died in a car accident. The loss of my father at the time I believe effected my confidence and sense of security. For me it was always quite possible for one to go to bed and wake up with your world completely turned upside down. According to my uncle Peter my Father was very good at making money. In the early 80's he was making more than $30,000 a year compared to his older brothers $12,000 a year. Also according to my uncle Pete and my personal experience my father was even better at wasting money. With no money to show for all his work we went from a good single income household to a no income household with no savings. Growing up though I dont recall feeling as if not having a father had any significant effect on me. I think growing up in low income housing were fatherless families were normal contributed to this view. My mother in her grief began to drink heavily and party often. Some of the people she was hanging out with probably werent that helpfull, especially Kathy Breckon who kidnapped my sister and I in the middle of the night to hurt my mother. The police found us shortly and we were never harmed. It didnt help with our already eroded sense of security though. To my mothers credit she did put us in foster care for a short time and quit drinking and hasnt touch alcohol in over 30 years. My mother did have a boyfriend for about 13 years named Ray McNulty, but for some reason their was never much of a bond between us. I cannot recall a single moment of affection between him and I. He was often depressed and agitated. He ended up leaving my mother for his brothers wife.
It wasnt until I became an adult that I realized the extent of the loss of not having a father. Psychological studies that children that grow up without experiencing a fathers love and guidance grow up with feelings of inadequencies and insecurities. This is certainly true for me and my sister who is often struggling with depression.
The main reason I created this blog was to provide guidance and remind my children how much I love them. I chose this format because, I know that life can turn upside down in an instant and I may forever lose my chance to influence my children just as my father had. Especially since in April of 2015 we were victims of a home invasion involving 5 armed individuals. I tried to fight them off, but was severly beaten which resulted in over 100 stitches to put my scalp back together. If I was anymore of a threat to them they very well would have shot me. I am grateful to be alive and want to make the most of my role as a father and leave a more permant record of my thoughts/beliefs for my children. Something I wish my father had the opportunity to do for me.
Growing up my mom worked at retail stores often at nights and Ray had a good paying job as a drywaller. It was up to my sister and I take keep the house, do our, laundry and make our own meals. We werent poor, but we werent middle class either. For whatever reason we just never had any savings. We had a very low cost lifestyle. We never went on vacations except for camping and trips to Vancouver to visit my Grandparents. Rarely did we eat in restaurants and we didnt buy brand name clothes. We never had more toys than could fit in a small toy box.
I never growing up felt deprived. When I think of what I wish I had for a father it isnt a guy who takes me to disneyland, buys me brand name clothes, takes out to restaurants and buys me loads of cool toys.
The father I wish I had was the dad that teaches me how the world really works. Who teaches me healthy habits and the skills to be a parent themselves. He is the wise stoic sage, immune to misfortune so that I could see an example of the possibility and know that no matter what the slings and arrows life throws at you their is always hope and its never a waste of time to be positive and grateful. I wish I had a father that loved me unconditionally and enjoyed spending time with me, and had my back and supported me. A father who would also be my lifelong friend and ally in life.
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