Eulogy Exercise

In Steven Covey’s book of the Seven Habits of Effective People, it has this exercise to help you identify what kind of person you want to become. It involved describing your funeral and/or writing your eulogy. To know if one is improving their life one needs to have a very clear end or goal in sight as to what one would like to create. One’s death is probably the clearest end point we each are capable of contemplating one way or another. It is the end point for all that you do in your current life. All of your efforts are brought to an end at this point. The question that can then be asked is, “At the time of my death, whenever that may be, will I have completed all that I desire, and will I be remembered in a way that I would like to be remembered?” This question of course raises the issue that we normally don’t know when we will die and begs to ask the question, “Am I living my life such that I am moving closer and closer each day to what I wish to create in my life such that if I die today, I will have gotten as far as I possible could?”

One particular methodology that is extremely effective in gaining clarity of intent for whatever one desire to create is to write the eulogy one would wish to be given at the end of one’s life at their funeral.

What you wish to manifest in your life is more about what you create and do with your life that may or may not live on after you. The reason why this exercise is so useful is that whether we realize it or not, we each carry some idea about how we desire to be remembered and what we wish to do in our life. Sometimes that understanding is conscious. But more often than not, it is subconscious. Our mind has become enculturated with consumerist expectations, with very little thought to how we are going to leave this life. Many of the ideas we have about what is important in life will seem superficial when placed in the context of your whole life and beyond.

The eulogy is a spoken or written piece of high praise, especially when written and delivered publicly. To write your eulogy for your life, assume that you are going to write the eulogy for your own funeral from the perspective of the person who may be delivering it. When it is all said and done with, what is it you want to be remembered for doing or being?

Write out your eulogy, editing it as much as necessary, until you think you have obtained exactly what you would like to have said in this eulogy. This eulogy can then become the intent for your life to fulfill and can become your guiding light in all that you do. As you write your eulogy, look back at your life and how you are living life now to see if you are living the life that you desire. Are you making the types and kinds of impacts on people and the world in the way that you would like to have stated in your eulogy or have you allowed life to lead you on some other path? All that furthers you on your chosen path is of value all else is a distraction

Here is the eulogy I wrote for myself:

Lately, many people have expressed their sympathies about my great grandfather's long, painful battle, saying how hard it was for them when their grandparent had to spend months in the hospital. However, I realized after he passed that I am grateful to have spent so much time with him during this last chapter of his life. When he wasn’t under anesthesia, he and I would spend hours talking about everything we could, as if we were making up for lost time.

Sometimes we started out by talking about life while raising my grandparents in Alberta, and he would end up telling me what kind of man I ought to marry. “Whatever you do,” he would say, “make sure you marry someone smart and optimistic who wants to have lots of children” As the, ever helpful teacher, he would add with a smile, “Also make sure he has a job.”

When someone you love passes away, there is a strong temptation to remember them perhaps a little too well. Misdeeds are forgotten. Offenses are forgiven. Only the most shining characteristics of our loved ones make it into the version of them that we keep with us when they depart. My great grandfather’s only fault was in leaving behind a wife and four children, eight grandchildren and twenty great grandchildren who loved him very much.

He was the first in his family to have so many children. He himself had only a sister, and she had three children. With every new baby, his family and friends would always ask him, “Shawn, are you done yet?” Even though he had so many kids to support and that he worked very hard with little free time, my grandparents had no doubt that their father loved them as much as humanly possible. No matter what he was doing, they knew that it had to be contributing to the future of his family for him to think it was worthwhile doing. To him life was a never ending series of self-sustaining actions and investments. He believed happiness and joy are the by products of contributing to the future of your family, and being grateful for what you have.

The best thing that he has left behind for us is his example. Most people who knew him would be surprised to learn that he survived a brutal armed home invasion and lost his father at the age of four. His blog, which he kept diligently, goes over these events. A blog which he started, becauses he narrowly escaped death during the home invasion while defending his family. He was concerned he may not get an opportunity to pass on some of the knowledge he had amassed after thousands of hours of educational non fiction reading and enrichment courses. In his blog you can experience the depth of our great grandfather. He was a insatiably curious man. He wrote on topics of evolution, economics, psychology, politics, philosophy, genealogy and history. Even though he only graduated high school and had little formal education, you can tell when reading his blog it is obvious that he educated himself to a level that gave him an understanding of life that is unique. He distilled this for the benefit of his children and called his blog Darth Dadicus. He also loved Star Wars.

But even with all of his challenges, he faced the world with unparalleled hope and optimism. His passion for learning inspired his grandchildren and he set the example of a single minded devoted family man. He always told the kids that, even when you don’t have the kind of life you might like, you can find happiness in an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful to your family and always and invest in their future.

Because of the resilience and devotion of this son, brother, husband, father, grandfather and great grandfather that he was, Shawn Abrams will be sorely missed. But greater than the sorrow from his death is the joy that he spread in his life. Just as he guided each of his children through their lives, and they in turn guided their children through their lives, his wisdom and example will continue to guide each one of his great grandchildren throughout our lives as well. Great grandfather Shawn will always live on in us.